In my last post (found here) I wrote about making sure the Loved Ones in our lives know how much we care. I encouraged all of us to tell them, remind them and have no regrets in this regard. And there’s more. It is critical to be deliberate and intentional about who and where we give our time, energy and love. We need to both show and tell our love.
When I highlighted the imperative of letting our Loved Ones know how important they are, I had no idea what COVID-19 was bringing around the Global Corner. And I wasn’t intending a broad band declaration of love to every person who has touched our lives. Certainly those types of pronouncements are rare and beautiful; if you feel moved, the time is now! What I hoped to inspire was for each of us to look our Loved Ones in the eye and share our feelings; dial that number; or send that heartfelt private message. Let your loved ones know you see them, hear them, love them.
In the literary world there is a saying “Show don’t tell!” The idea is that the reader will be far more engaged in your collective story if you help them feel like they are a part of it by activating their senses with descriptive words and actions.Talented writers create an easy flow between the show and tell. Similarly, it seems those most effective at expressing their love are those who not only say the words “I love you” but also follow up those words with actions.
Gary Chapman is the author of The 5 Love Languages:The Secret to Love that Lasts. His primary premise is that everybody has a “Love Tank” that needs to be filled. However, not one expression of love fills everyone’s tank. He believes that there are 5 major types of Love Languages (fuel); Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Time and Physical Touch. Each of us has a preferred Love Language that helps us feel deeply connected and truly loved. Mr. Chapman’s book is an excellent read that goes into much greater detail of how we understand the Love Languages and use them to best express our feelings to those we love. For now, recognize that there is incredible value in being attuned to what is your Loved Ones preferred Love Language. We have a tendency to give out love the way we prefer it and then getting frustrated when it’s not well received or even rejected. Perhaps we need to take a better look at the “showing” we are doing.
Are we really taking the time to know what’s meaningful to the other person? Or are we pushing the easy button? Are we giving our Loved Ones what they need or are we too caught up in the demands of the day? Are we putting all of our energy into our work, physical training or socializing and forgetting to keep a reserve for those who matter most? These days, maybe this list of activities doesn’t look the same. Maybe we are losing hours reading about Covid-19, juggling homeschooling and telework, or connecting with friends on social media.
Wherever you are spending your energy, do you have anything left to fill the Love Tanks of your partner, parents, children or other dear ones? Being in the same space as them, tolerating noisy phone calls or assigning them math problems does not equal filling their tank. They need you to tell them what a great job they are doing, give them a heartfelt gift, make them their favorite meal, play with them or simply give them a great big hug as appropriate. Now is one of the best times ever to double down on the time and energy we put into showing our Loved Ones how we feel. As they say: where attention goes, so energy flows.
And let’s talk briefly about the rejection a little more. What’s getting in the way of showing your Loved Ones you care? What gets in the way of putting your time, energy and love where it matters most? Are you afraid of being rejected? Do you hold back out of fear that the love you give will not be reciprocated? Would you rather not get hurt or disappointed? Does showing you care feel like putting your vulnerability on display? Is there too much risk?
There is always risk in speaking your Truth. Take the Leap! There is always risk in bearing your feelings. There is also strength, courage and great reward. There is the reward of feeling in alignment, being authentic, and knowing that you too are loved. There is the joy of letting your truth flow through you and out into the world. God knows, we need that right now! And the risk of stopping this flow, of leaving things undone is far worse.
So, what would you prefer; the heavy weight of regret or the lifting light of celebrated love?
