Adjusting Course, Slowing the Roll

Last week I wrote about reading the wind, steering your boat. I spoke of knowing what’s coming your way and adjusting your sails to get where you want to go. These thoughts were on my mind because I was looking at a strong wind coming my way. Now, I am writing about how I am personally adjusting course. 

If you’ve been reading along with me, you know that I have been struggling with an illness with many neurological symptoms for a while now. It’s been a long road searching for answers and, more importantly, solutions. While I have made many lifestyle changes and have been prescribed more medications, they have not remedied several significant symptoms such as rapid physical and mental fatigue. Furthermore, none of the medicines sought to resolve the source of the symptoms either.

Then, a couple of days before I last wrote I finally had my follow-up for my February EEG testing which measures brainwave activity. It was scary to see the results and validating as well. It was the first time, I had a scientific, data-driven, graphical representation of my experience. During the appointment, the practitioner, Mark,  told me that he could help retrain my brain with Neurofeedback. He estimated it would take at least 60 sessions held twice a week for approximately 8 months. Mark cautiously did not make many promises. However, he did guarantee that it would be a workout that would make my symptoms worse before they got better. He described it as physical therapy for the brain. 

While the treatment path sounded a bit daunting, it was the first time I had been given a tangible, stepwise path forward. I was not going to pass it up! Instead, I started mentally adjusting course and letting out my sails; modifying my schedule and behaviors so my boat won’t capsize. At the same time, I wasn’t ready to assume the worse. So, I move forward with my first two sessions without making too many big changes. I approached my week with hopeful flexibility; hope that I wouldn’t have to change much and the willingness to flex if I need to. 

Now, with two sessions down, it is stunningly obvious that I do need to make some big changes. I am truly getting my butt kicked! Not only am I mentally exhausted, but it also feels like my body has been hit by a freight train. The day after is always the worst. Considering how it’s knocked me off my feet, it’s clear I need to make much more space to rest, recover, and heal. My priorities are my health, my family, and my book. Significant but less pressing efforts will need to go on the back burner. I have decided this includes slow rolling my blog posts. Instead of writing weekly, I am shifting to writing monthly for the foreseeable future. 

I neither know how much more I will need to continue adjusting course, nor how long it will take me to find my footing again. I hope you understand the importance of the work I am doing to recover my health. You all are an inspiration to me. Thank you for giving me this space!

May it be so!